dear d,
i truly believed in summer 2010, it gave us what our hearts desired.
but then it tore that all away from us.
Fate, i truly believe we deserve that back. After the endless hours and days of pain, the suffering.. i want to be shown that it was worth it, and in the end i will discover what i had once found.
always, e.
dear e,
i believe in this blog, and i believe in fate.
so fate, if your out there, and you can see this, and hear me.
give me back what my heart wants, make me feel as if it was all worth it.
that is my only wish, now and forever.
i believe i deserve it.
signed,
d
summer twenty ten ,
you took a lot from me, but you gave me freedom.
in the end, i thank you for how you destroyed me.
in the end my destruction was a reminder of how you set me free.
remember those nights? kissing till the sun came up’
i fell into you, now your gracefully falling away.
dear e,
i know excatly what you mean. i was listening to the song “everything is eventual” and i stopped and looked at the title and thought, holy shit that is so true. it means that everything that is meant to happen, happens. everything is eventually going to unfold itself.
that is excatly how our summer was. em, we took risks, did so many things, some in which i would never take back. yes, i lost a lot of friends because of it, and yes a lot of people lost respect for me, but if they think i didn’t suffer, they are out of they’re fucking minds. you and me spent the entire summer searching for an escape, and we found it.
i understand people are judging me, but is it wrong for me to say i don’t give a shit? and that i loved what i did, and it was the best nights of my life? i dont give a shit if it was just a summer fling, and a summer boy, it was the fact that we were so happy.
it was the fact that mack was there for me in ways taylor never could be. he comforted me about every single thing, even my dad. i grew attatched because i didn’t even know people could be there for me that way you know? so to have to go back to school, and see people and receive the cold shoulder because i found someone who made me feel great, and invincible. i don’t hesitate to say fuck you. haha :)
if i could tell those kids something, it’d be this: don’t ever judge my actions off of taylor’s opinion and stories. i never understood cheating, i always thought it was negative. this summer showed me there is two sides to every story. i have a good heart, and thats my problem. im too open with others, and i let them find a place inside of me.
i couldn’t deny mack. there was something about him. something tay and i never had. i couldn’t stop myself. it was everything i had been searching for. it sounds selfish but in those nights taylor didn’t come to mind, because nothing did. nothing except for how much fun we were having, and how alive we felt. :)
so it kills me that people will judge me for that. if they want to know the story, if they want to know how we talked endlessly all night, and how i tried to fight the feeling every single day, i’ll tell them. yes i did cheat on taylor. i cheated, but im glad. im glad i chose the feeling in my heart over the fear of what people would think. im glad i did something that made me feel perfect, if only for a few nights. at the end of the day i chose how i felt over what i know.
it came down to this: trying to respect a dead relationship because of what people would think, or trying to create something new, something that felt absolutely right.
anyways :)
i love you
d
